Last Song Syndrome

Swept Away

Christopher Cross / Paolo Santos

I never had anything happen so fast

I took one look and I shattered like glass

I guess I let it show 'cause your smile told me you knew

That you're everything I ever wanted at once

There's no holding this heart when it knows what it wants

And I never wanted anything more than to know you

I was swept away

No one in the world but you and I

Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do

I was swept away

Without a warning

Like night when the morning begins the day

I was swept away



And so it begins

This journey of love

The summer wind carries us to places all our own

The words of a look

The language of touch

The way that you want me means so much

And I never wanted anything more than to love you



Seeing my tomorrows in your eyes

I was swept away



I hope I wake up soon

I'm a victim of that crazy moon



The very first time you said my name

I knew it would never sound the same

Something about me is changed forever

***sigh...***

      but i guess it's safe to say, baby... safe to say that i'm officially missing you...



damn, can't get that song out of my head.

      FPJ is running for president. I never thought I would resort to writing that on my blog -- because I only write the truth -- and well, it is the truth.

      Do you know how it feels to not want to believe? How it feels to be living a dream, although you're terribly afraid because it's fast turning into a nightmare? That's how I am feeling right now. But as I stared at my TV set and listened to FPJ spew out words that are impossible not to be laden with politics (oh the horror), I could feel it sink, no, crash into me. It was almost tangible.

      I am a registered voter. On May 2004 I will be writing the name of a person I believe, a person I want to lead me and my fellow Pinoys, a person I trust would bring a brighter future for me and (possibly) my children. One thing is for sure, it will not be Fernando Poe, Jr. But if majority of my fellow Filipinos do choose him, I submit myself to the power and authority of democracy.

      When that happens, I want to be a good citizen and say that I will support my president (even if it's FPJ) -- and I say that with a straight face. I'm not gonne like it, but hey... I'll willingly do my part to attain a united and peaceful Philippines.

May kagalit ka ba?

*** wala naman...



Ano first meal mo today?

*** lunch. garlic shrimp and sinigang.



Ano usually yung first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

*** look at the time, then check my cellphone...



Ilang taon ka na?

*** bente!



Where do you wana spend ur xmas vacation?

*** sa beach... with my friends. :) mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko e. :)



Fave alcoholic drink?

*** mule.



Fave mall?

*** southmall & town. :D



Eh bar?

*** errr, counted ba ang 22nd street at sitcom? :D comedy bar nman yun e. :D



What’s ur usual get up?

*** shirt, pants, prestos, bag and watch.



Ano cel na gamit mo ngayon?

*** Nokia 7650



Are you single?

*** check my friendster account. ;)



Night or day?

*** night. definitely.



Anong klaseng death ang trip mo?

*** a peaceful one.



Sino ang pinaka mabait na kilala mo?

*** nanay ko. :D



Ano religion mo?

*** catholic



Have you brushed your teeth yet?

*** yep



Flings? Long-term shit?

*** long-term, and it isn't shit you know...



Crammer or nerd?

*** crammer. professional. hehe.



Have you ever had more than one bf/gf at a time?

*** never. :D loyal ako.



Do you bliv in destiny?

*** it's romantic, but it makes me feel helpless so no.



When do you wana die?

*** 2068 onwards...



Who’s the last person you wanna be with before you die?

*** if i'd die right now, siyempre si bie. :D



Would you want to die a virgin?

*** oh no. :D bwahahahah...

One Score Ago...

      I had my 20th birthday celebration yesterday. And those who stayed late were lucky to witness my first encounter with drunkenness. Heheh.

      But still, it wasn't too bad a sight... I didn't throw up or anything but my friends said I was really madaldal already, beyond my usual talkataive self. :) And I have to admit that my vision and sense of balance were waning towards the end of the night, add to that the fact that I wasn't wearing my glasses. :D

      It's actually kinda cool... I've never been drunk before and it felt nice to be disoriented even for just a few hours. Heheh... weird, but true. I'm looking forward to my next drunken experience. I'm guessing it will be soon, maybe six days from now. :)

---

      A Startling Discovery: Last night, I found out that my tito was a former UP Student Regent. :) Wow. I didn't know I was related to such people. :)

      In the wee hours of this morning, I realized that I had a well-documented childhood.

      You see, we were asked to submit a baby picture for our yearbook, and as I lost all scanned photos that were used for my debut 2 years ago, i had to scour volumes of photo albums for the perfect yearbook picture. When I said volumes, I mean roughly a dozen of the old-fashioned self-adhesive photo albums bigger than your average encyclopedia. I sneezed a lot as I went through each of them to find the cutest (of course) photo I had of my precious childhood years.

      I remembered my dad used to work at Kameraworld when my kuya and I were little -- so we had several copies of a certain cute pose, the best photos were blown up to occupy one whole page in the albums... *sigh* I miss being a child.

      But if there was one thing I noticed while looking at my childhood pics, it is that my smile pretty much stayed the same. People say I have this cheerful, happy smile -- and as I put in my yearbook write-up, it is a testament to my passion and zest for life. And if my smile has remained as sunny as the one I had in my childhood years, that must be a good sign.

      I hope fifty years from now, I can look back at my photos -- maybe no longer in self-adhesive albums, perhaps in JPEG format on a recordable CD -- and still say that my smile still hasn;t changed over the years... *senti*

      Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester in college. Can you believe it? If you look at the big picture, it really is a big deal... finishing college and all. How glad should I be?! But when I think about all the schoolwork to return to... Darn it...

Haphazard

      Random thoughts...

• I'm dreading Monday.
  
  
• Need a new layout.
  
  
• Need to exercise. I mean really.
  
  
• The Sansrival was Y-U-M-M-Y.
  
  
• I should probably start drinking sleeping pills. 4am is NOT a normal bedtime.
  
  
• I want braces.
  
  
• One can never have too many pairs of shoes.
  
  
• *yawn*
  
  

      I've run out of things to write. Our house is a warzone right now. Tata vs. Mama. Sigh.

5 things that you're wearing:

- orange Pooh sleep shirt

- undies

- my glasses

- blue slippers

- a frown



5 things you're doing right now:

- typing

- yawning

- trying to come up with a new layout

- thinking

- listening to mama complain



5 things you ate in the last 24 hours:

- sansrival

- shrimp tempura

- fried chicken karaage

- adobo

- reese's peanut butter cups (yum)



5 things you did so far today:

- watched uptown girls

- read Harry Potter Book 1

- checked my mail

- finished the show*off ticket design

- blogged



5 things you can hear right now:

- the sound of running water -- sister's in the shower

- the low rumble of the water tank

- my lola speaking

- the rotating ceiling fan

- keyboard sounds



5 thoughts that are in your head

- i'm sleepy...

- nag-away kami... :(

- what do i do with my birthday money? heheheh...

- shit, pasukan na sa monday

- ang mura nung quotation sa tickets namin for show*off



5 things you look for in a girl/boyfriend

- sensible

- intellectually stimulating

- mabango. DAPAT MABANGO!!! :D

- must know when to lay off... sometimes one just needs to be alone

- must also love the people i love -- specially my friends.



5 things that you love

- my bed!

- my cellphone

- my car

- my PC with the internet connection

- the aircondition!!!

---

A - Age: 20

B - Boyfriend: next question..

C - Crushes: m.f.m.c.l.

D - Dad's name: Frederick

E - Essential make up item: loose powder

F - Favourite actress/actors:

G - gimiks: hmmm... house parties lang

H - Hometown: Clean and green Hall of Famer -- Las Pinas!!!

I - Instruments you play: some guitar. (emphasis on SOME.)

K - Kids: none yet.

L - Living arrangement: with my Mom, Dad, Big Bro, Little Sis, Lola, Househelps, a Japanese Spitz (Dash) and a smelly German Shepherd (Buster, hehe)

M - Mom's name: Wanda

N - Number of people you've slept with: i don't know how to count when it comes to those... bwahahah

O - Overnight hospital stays: none that i remember

P - Phobia: snakes. and heights. and death. and failure. (andami ha)

Q - Quote you like: A rough road leads to the stars.

R - Regrets: no use crying over spilled milk.

S - School: Unibersidad ng Pilipinas

T - Time you wake up? heheheh... the truth? 12 noon

U - Unique habit: I pray the angelus everytime I drive off to somewhere.

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: okra.

W - Worst quality: VERY selosa.

X - XXX movies you've watched: Gamitan (hehe)

Y - Yummy foods you make: boiled water? cheese dip, floating casino, cookies and cream

Z - Zodiac Sign: Scorpio... through and through.

---

LAYER 0NE:

-- Name: Christine Anne

-- nickname: Teng

-- Birth date: November 3, 1983

-- Birthplace: Las Pinas

-- Current Location: Las Pinas

-- Eye Color: Dark Brown

-- Hair Color: Black

-- Height: 5'4"

-- Righty or Lefty: Righty

-- Zodiac Sign: Scorpio



LAYER TWO:

-- The shoes you wore today: White Birks

-- Your weakness: *m*

-- Your fears: failure

-- Your perfect pizza: from pizzeria-- garlic, ground beef, mushrooms and extra cheese (YUMMM)

-- Goal you'd like to achieve: right now? either mag-magna or mag-best thesis.



LAYER THREE:

-- Your most overused phrase(s) on YM/ICQ: heheh

-- Your thoughts first waking up: ang ineeet

-- Your best physical feature: errrrrr

-- Your bedtime: 3am

-- Your most missed memory: High School... I swear.



Layer FOUR:

-- In love?: very much so.



LAYER FIVE:

-- Smoke: no.

-- Cuss: heheh, it's a f*ckin world, you can't help but f*ckin cuss

-- Sing: I try to, but most people don;t really want me to. hehe

-- Take a shower everyday: everyone should.

-- Have a crush: yes.

-- Do you think you've been in love: I know so...

-- Want to go to college: already am

-- Like(d) high school: nope. loved it.

-- Want to get married: someday.

-- Believe in yourself: oftentimes.

-- Get motion sickness: no.

-- Think you're attractive: errrrrrr

-- Think youre a health freak?: haha, you must be joking

-- Get along with your parent(s): yes.

-- Like thunderstorms: when i'm home, yes

-- Play an instrument: in frustration, hehe



LAYER SIX:

In the past month...

-- drank alcohol: yes.

-- Smoked: no.

-- Done a drug: no.

-- Gone on a date: yes.

-- Gone to the mall?: often.

-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nah. too sweet

-- Been on stage: no

-- Been dumped: hell no!

-- Gone skating: no.



LAYER SEVEN:

Ever...

-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: in grade school... haha

-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no.

-- Gotten beaten up: no one would dare. hehe.

-- Shoplifted: nope.

-- Changed who you were to fit in: adapted, not changed.



LAYER EIGHT:

-- Age you hope to be married: before 30.

-- Numbers and Names of Children: at least two... no names yet.

-- Describe your Dream Wedding: beyond words.

-- How do you want to die: happy.

-- Where do you want to go to college: always been UP.

-- What do you want to be when you grow up: happy and rich. hehe.



LAYER NINE:

--drugs taken illegally: none.

--people I could trust with my life: family, *m*, leah.

--CDs that I own: do you really want to know?

--tattoos: none

--scars on my body: dami eh.

--things in my past that I regret: as i said, no use crying over spilled milk.

happy birthday to me

happy birthday to me

happy birthday

happy birthday

happy birthday to me! :D

      Okay, so here's my two cents' worth regarding the cheering competition back in St. Paul -- (Warning: If you're presently a Paulinian of P'que, is loyal to death to your team, is beyond reason and has not been taught to respect opinion, then please do not proceed.)



      A little past 1:30pm, AJ and I went up to the gym -- and hello, what a sight, it was jampacked. I left AJ by the entrance and squeezed past the throng of people to take my seat in the bleachers with some friends from the lower batches. We had a pretty good view of all the pep squads although of course, the cheerdancers had their backs to us.



      It was not long before the competition started. I watched. Cursed a little. Watched some more. Turned to my friends to crack a joke about some pep squad's step. Watched again. Suppressed a yawn. Forced myself to watch again. Answered a call, then texted someone. Watched some and said, "In fairness..." In the end, I seriously felt that the highlight of the cheering competition was when I screamed, "Mahiya naman kayo sa mga alumni!" That, and the moment I realized that I wanted to write about this experience on my blog.



      I have to say this for it's the truth: I was sooo disappointed that day. I had to agree with my friend when she said she should have stayed home and slept -- perhaps that would have been more enjoyable. But that's not the worst part... I think what disapppointed me most was the fact that I knew all the performers could have done better -- way, way better than the mediocrity that they called Cheering Competition 2003.



      "So what the hell is the matter?" you ask. Let me justify myself.



      I graduated from St. Paul Paranaque in the year 2000. Back in those days, many competitions helped burn the spirit of batch loyalty -- we had the Songfest (a singing contest, of course), Sabayang Pagbigkas (choral recitation in Filipino), JazzTri (a dance contest), and of course, the usual batch rivalry that resulted from Clean-Up or Newspaper Drives. The love for one's batch is essential to the life of the P'que Paulinian; everyone feels the need to stand up for their own batch at some point of their high school lives. This "spirit" is never more present than during Intramurals, specifically during Cheering Competition, where a worthy performance will forever etch your batch's name in the walls of the institution. It was a hallowed tradition that showcased the best of Paulinian creativity, talent, unity and grace under pressure -- that even the alumni would not dare miss this event.



      Until now, I could not understand why a couple of years after our graduation, this tradition was challenged. In 2002, the Intrams Committee changed the rules: they randomly assigned the students into four team colors -- hence "dissolving" the batches even during the Cheering Competition. This meant that the teams would be made up of freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors all mixed up, with no rationale behind the assignment of teams.



      Now what does this have to do with the disappointment I felt? Believe me, it is the root cause of the problem.



      You see, by nature, people tend to form groups (ahem, ahem, OrCom student speaking :p). In this case, a batch is considered a group because there is a common factor among all members of a specific batch: they are of the same level in the academic hierarchy. Besides, over the years, one would meet more batchmates than students from the other batch; it's just a fact of life. Time would also strengthen the bond between the members of the batch, and from experience, this bond is most evident when the batch as a whole is being put to the test, like say, during Cheering Competition. I admit that batch rivalry (which is, in fact, a side effect of batch loyalty) has led to some pretty nasty stuff in the past -- word wars, door-slamming, students becoming 'territorial' -- but I've always believed that these things contribute to healthy competition that only serves to push students to be all that they can be.



      When the administration messed up with this age-old value of batch loyalty, everything went downhill from there. If the students are grouped randomly into team colors, they do not have anything fundamentally common among them, thus, their relationship as members of a team does not encourage loyalty or passion or motivation. Therefore, there is no drive to succeed. After all, why bother? They don't know these people are anyway, and the one month that is given for practices is not enough to foster a bond that will rival batch loyalty.



      Another thing, it is inevitable that the fourth year students will lead the teams. Seniority plays a big role in leadership -- all the more in a group of high school students. Therefore, the creativity that is utilized in coming up with a concept all the way to the carrying out of the actual performance is monopolized by the seniors. The lower batches are not trained at all, not given much chance to shine -- and then, of course, the vicious cycle continues.



      *Sigh* I see no other explanation for the deterioration of the quality of the performances during Cheering Competition in St. Paul. Some may think this is only because of my own loyalty to my batch, but no. I am speaking not as a member of Batch 2000 but as a Paulinian; just a Paulinian. I wish there were some way I could make the sisters and my former mentors realize that the Paulinians can do so much more, really, if given the chance. I wish they would look review performances of the past batches, compare it to this year's performance, and consider the possibility that they may have made a mistake along the way.



      When I ask myself why I care so much about these things, I remember how my sister always says she wants to follow my footsteps. She knows she wants to study in St. Paul. Perhaps that's the reason why I bother myself with these little things... I want my sister to receive the best education possible -- complete with an environment that teaches her how to be passionate about things and how to love "her own."



      But right now, I can only hope and pray that no one would ever have to use the phrase, "They don't make Paulinians like they used to..."

It Felt Like Coming Home

      I went back to my high school yesterday -- St. Paul Paranaque -- and it felt like coming home. Weird, but it did.



      I know some people who, after high school graduation, vowed never to set foot in their alma mater again. To a certain extent, I understand... specially those also coming from my school, because I know too well the things we were put through -- long litanies from the sisters, so little recreational time and a truckload of academics. But as I always say, that's what high school is for! And I have long forgiven them because if anything, they are among the people who molded me into who I am now.



      But yesterday, just standing on the ground where I spent four years of my adolescent life, it just felt... right. It felt like a haven, a secure place where I was free from all my college troubles. Thoughts of my thesis (gulp) and practicum folder (gulp again) were so far away; I was just having fun with my friends. It was like a sea of memories washing over me... the faces have changed but the feeling is still the same; even intrams felt the same. *sigh* I still wish for the carefree life of high school... the carefree days of my youth, for that matter.



      And so we arrive at the "turning twenty" blues once more. Heheheh. But really, I just wanted to state that for the record. Even if St. Paul (or rather, the new security guards at the second gate) has a knack for pissing alumni off (ayaw ba naman magpapasok minsan!!!), I still feel compelled to go back to my high school alma mater once in a while... if only for the wonderful feeling of "coming home..." :)



      A critique of the cheering competition to follow... for now I'm off to school! Enrolment is at 1:30 pm and I'm still at home! Bad Teng... heheheh.

Addicted to CSI

      I'm on a CSI Marathon! Bought the entire first season in DVD's (pirated, of course) yesterday. Can't get enough of Grissom and company. It kind of makes you wish the Philippines had that kind of crime scene invetigation technology. *tsk, tsk, wishful thinking*

      One week to go before my birthday!!! :D In other words, only one more week left of my teenage life. Haha. Many people say, "Teng, matanda ka na... Bente ka na!" and all I want to reply is, "I know! Believe me, I know!" -- but really, not in a sarcastic way.



      Actually, even I am surprised at how I am reacting to my turning twenty. Of course it sounds like a big deal -- I have already lived, in fact, for ONE WHOLE SCORE! But I guess the only difference is, I don't feel my age, as opposed to "not acting" my age.



      Of course, being at this age, people expect me to be mature, forward-thinking and smart. I think I can be all that. But I don't think it has anything to do with me still wanting to watch cartoons, or wear shorts to the grocery, or play around with my little sister. Thos are the things that keep me sane! If I start to go around thinking of nothing but future bank accounts, buying life plans, or paying off debts I haven;t even made, then I would not have lived at all. For heaven's sake, I'm only TWENTY!



      So to all my friends (i.e. batchmetes) who get to read this, it's not so bad, you know, the turning twenty thing. We can take it all in stride. And perhaps ten or another twenty years after today, I would still want to watch cartoons and wear shorts to the grocery and play around with my little sister... I know it will help me keep my youth, no matter what the numbers I put down on the "age blank" say. :D

      Okay, so you see the time stamp below this entry? I wrote that in January of this year, almost ten whole months ago! I'm so happy to finally get this to work (again). I really felt the need to revive my blog; I needed to vent out my thoughts or else I feel like my brain will explode (who knows? It just might happen.)



      So first things first. How are you? What have you been up to? And how the hell did you land on my blog? Hmmm... whatever your answers are to my questions, let me welcome you... WELCOME! Heheh.



      It's been roughly a couple of weeks since my sembreak started... This will be my last semestral break. *Whew* Now there it is -- I just felt some kind of feeling I can't quite identify.



      My friend aA asked me how I felt about graduating. I wanted to answer her question accuratly because it has also been bugging me for quite a time now -- and all I could cough up was a weak "I really don't know." But I told her I was feeling like high school all over again, which I was...



      It's all so, erm, beyond words. I really feel happy and MIGHTY PROUD that I'm finally graduating... but I'm afraid Im having some kind of separation anxiety. Y'know, after 16 years, you're finally out of school... and it's oddly unsettling!



      I remember what Ley's parents said the other day -- that if there's anyone happier than us when we graduate, it will be them -- the parents. Hmmm...



      Graduation, I guess, is the world's way of telling me that I am being given a chance to prove to my parents (and the Filipino nation, as a UP student) that my education was well worth their investment. And how I should feel about this? I still have 5 months to go. Let's wait and see.

s-a still alive? *happy happy happy me!*