A Reason

I used to keep a journal*... but ever since I've been with you, it's been hard.

There's so much to say and the pages are better left blank.

I'll remember it all anyway... :)

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*Applicable to blogs too!

2008 In Retrospect

As I stood at the threshold of the new year 2009, feeling compelled to give a look back to the year that was, I felt a bit... ambivalent. For some reason, I could not remember the things that happened earlier in the year, or how it felt. I knew I have had new experiences, undergone changes, had some achievements and failures and, from all of these, picked up lessons along the way. But it seemed to have been overshadowed by a single event in late 2008 that showed me that good things come to those who wait – but that event deserves a totally separate entry, so let me leave it at that, for now. :) So onto other things...

In 2008 I seemed to have developed a better appreciation for this city I live in. My eyes were opened to just how vibrant Beijing is, and to a certain extent, I fell in love with it; I found new friends, explored new places, even witnessed some once-in-a-lifetime events during the 2008 Olympics. When I came here a couple of years ago, all I could think about was how much I was looking forward to 2009 and going back home. Now I know when that time comes, it's not going to be so easy saying goodbye to the Jing.

2008 was also a year of traveling to cities I've never been to – Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Macau, Hong Kong, Xi'an, Qingdao, Chicago, Las Vegas, Los Angeles; and indulging in the occasional luxuries – my Macbook, that helicopter ride, that photography course, DSLR’s, shopping sprees... Though I do realize how big of a dent all those have made on my savings, I do not regret any of them. Papa taught me that as long as you are willing to work, money can be earned. On the other hand, we don't have unlimited chances and opportunities to do the things we want to do or get the things we want. (Did that sound like an excuse? Haha! Anyway...)

2008 for me was also about letting go of baggage, of realizing differences that are irreconcilable, and calling things off when enough is enough. I have made decisions which I feel were some of my wisest, decisions which allowed a whole new light to come into my life and it felt like I have woken up from an extended nap.

So what then do I expect of 2009?

If you remember my 25th birthday post, from then I have learned that expecting nothing is a good plan – you will always be pleasantly surprised. But if I do look ahead and set some expectations, I just need to make sure they are managed so as not to disappoint myself or anyone else.

Not having expectations, though, does not mean I am not hopeful, because I am. Hopeful that this time next year I will still be able to smile and say with a straight face that I have had a good, if not exceptional, year.

Cheers, friends, and all the best for 2009!

Want some cheese with that WHINE?

[drafted 30 Dec 2008]

The past couple of days, it has been a conscious effort to not be whiny. We moved offices and it was our first couple of days in our new 'home', in an area just a couple of kilometers south of our former office building. Things are not THAT bad after all, and with the recession hitting everyone where it hurts, I should be thankful that my company is cutting down on office rent instead of jobs and people.

Therefore I will not complain, despite the fact that it takes more than 5 times my usual travel time and 5 times as much walking from my apartment to the new office. I will not complain that half the lobby is not yet functional and is covered in a foot of dust, or that the area near the bank of elevators reeks of smoke. I will also not complain that it takes forever for the elevator to come, that it crawls up the building at a snail's pace and that it takes, on average, 5 stops before I get to the 16th floor. I will not complain that we've lost our beautiful 30th floor west-facing view that shows us snow-capped mountains on certain days, and stunning sunsets everyday.

I will not complain that the automatic flush starts working WHILE you are on the seat and that it has been a couple of days that I have been washing my hands with freezing cold water -- word around the office is that it's always been that way and always will be. I will also not complain about losing the prestige we once had at the mere mention of our office address; our old building, the China World Trade Towers (which we lovingly call Guomao), were among the most photographed and celebrated modern buildings in Beijing, more so now with the construction of Tower 3 which is slated to be the tallest building in the city. Now we are housed in an obscure area that three out of the four cabbies I have asked are not quite familiar with.

It did make me think how much being in Guomao has gotten into my head; we have been spoiled by the comforts of being attached to a mall, despite not buying anything from 50% of the shops (the likes of LV, Cartier, Montblanc, Ferragamo, Samsonite Black Label - but who cares, it's still nice to look!). In Guomao there were places to get healthy food (Schlotzky's, Subway, good Jap food complete with a rotating sushi bar) and UNhealthy food (Thai, Taiwanese, Steak Factory, Cold Stone Ice Cream, Haagen Dazs, oh just thinking about it!) -- whhatever you feel like. There's a supermarket where you can get foreign stuff, a Watson's, a Sephora, a Bank of China, an ICBC (a bank which lets me pay my bills through the ATM)... yeah basically anything you need to do anything.

I know, I know. I'm just gonna have to wait a while for me to get used to my new surroundings. In the meantime... I will not complain!

P.S. In my defense, the above entry is for your amusement only and is not a reflection of my general level of whiny-ness which I always keep at a minimum. Haha. I really do try not to complain... except to certain people, who do not have much choice but to listen to my whine. :)