If I knew 2 weeks ago what I know now, well, things would have been much easier. I would have been calmer, not too many sleepless nights, not too many tulala moments. But then again, there is never a way to advance wisdom gained from experience, so that's that.
I say it's over - the whole surgery ordeal is over. And in record time! Only 8 days after the procedure and I feel pretty much like my old self, save for some minor pains and inconveniences here and there. I did not expect it to happen all so quickly; in fact, I was trying to prepare myself for weeks, if not months, not only of physical but also emotional recovery. But today I find myself doing and thinking pretty much the same things that I did and thought about prior to finding out that I had to have that fateful cyst taken out.
I thought this was going to be pivotal - you know, all dramatic and poignant and dear-diary worthy. But only a few moments were... like having to pull out my brave face time and again to mask the fear that truly felt, my dad giving me a kiss before I was wheeled into the operating room, waking up after the surgery knowing that it's all over, my mom's giant hug when she arrived on my third day post-op. The rest of it was pretty much routine.
I did learn two very important things though: First, in a time of need, the support of the people in your life can come in many forms but they all count for something -- far more than you expect it to count. Despite being physically away from 98% of the people who sent me their messages, sentiments, advice, love and prayers, I felt that I somehow mattered in other people's lives. And that can trump out fear most of the time. Not all of the time, but it's a huge, huge help. So again, thank you very much to everyone who left a comment, sent me messages and emails and texts, and even those who did not respond but did think of me.
Second, I don't think anyone will love me (and my siblings) more than my parents do. Their dedication is unwavering. Flew to Beijing 4 days after I got the news that I required surgery, without question. Said nothing when I rouse them middle of the night to help me up because I needed to pee. Until now, as I walk at half my speed, they patiently slow their pace down too just so they can walk beside me. They work their way around how I feel - am i tired? hungry? in pain? sleepy? bored? in need of a laugh? It amazes me. My parents, hands down, are the bestttttt. E-ver. :)
While it will probably take a few more months to be completely healed (you know, be able to ride a rollercoaster and stuff), this chapter is pretty much over. I look forward to having a greater awareness of the value of health, and hope this is the start of a gradual lifestyle change for the better. Nothing else matters if you're anyway dead and can't enjoy it!
So, onto the next great adventure. What that is... only time will tell!
:)
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
My Update: 3 Days Post-Op
It's Saturday afternoon, Day 3 here in the hospital and the boredom bug is starting to bite. I am very very happy to report that I am recovering and healing quite well. :) The whole experience has been a pleasant surprise. Well, okay, maybe not pleasant, but it was much better than I expected it to be.
The day before the surgery was a busy one. We went to the hospital in the morning to do my blood work and sign consent forms, and also met with the doctor performing the surgery and also my anesthesiologist. They were both very nice ladies and put me at ease about the whole procedure. Even Papa was feeling confident that everything was going to be okay. After that, we walked around the area so I could show Papa that Starbucks was just right down the road to the hospital, as well as some international grocery stores and restaurants where he could go get food to eat. Then we headed to Ikea (to look at furniture), Siyuanqiao (to look at car accessories), Bainaohui (to look at gadgets) and Qianmen (to shop at H&M). Like I said, busy day! I was ready to crash after that. Forget about being well-rested for the surgery!
Papa had cooked his delicious sinigang and even more delicious daing na bangus... pure Pinoy food heaven. I was advised not to eat anything after midnight as the procedure was scheduled for 8:30am the next day, so I managed to finish that dinner by 11:00pm (talagang photo finish! haha). I was not thinking so much about my 'impending doom' until we had finished packing and I got to bed past midnight. I barely slept that night, despite having to be up by 5:30am to be at the hospital before 7:00am.
So I was still quite groggy when we arrived at the hospital. We checked into the room at 7:00am (which really looked like a hotel room, only with medical equipment) and I was quickly prepared for the procedure: changed into a hospital gown, started an IV, shaved the area where the incision was going to be. I was able to squeeze in sending a few messages to my loved ones before they said that it was time for me to be wheeled into the operating room. I remember feeling calm but praying the Angelus over and over again and just asking God to take care of me and telling Him I am confident that he will not let anything bad happen to me.
I met my cheerful anesthesiologist inside the operating room. She asked me where I was from and I told her I am Filipino, after which she asked me if I could sing for her. I told her I'll do that after she sedates me. Hehe.
I was transferred to the operating table, and I felt my arms being strapped onto it. I remember saying hi to my surgeon and asking her if she was having a good day. She said yes and she told me that she was sure I was also going to have a good day. The last thing I remember was asking all the people in the room if they watched Grey's Anatomy (they don't) and telling them how people kept asking me if I got a McDreamy or a McSteamy. My anesthesiologist asked me if I was feeling dizzy, but I wasn't and felt I could still chat up a storm over the next hour or so. But then she must have put in the magic potion, since the next thing I remember was the nurses waking me up and telling me that the procedure was over. I checked the clock: it was only 10:30am! That was quick.
It turns out that only an hour after I was wheeled into the operating room, my doctor had already called Papa to tell him that the surgery was over and that everything went well. In fact, it went better than well. They did not have to take the ovary out, just got rid of the cyst, which means I got to keep all my body parts. The anesthesiologist took a photo of my healthy ovary and the cystic ovary, and it is unbelievable, but since I don't want to scare y'all, I'll keep those photos to myself. :)
A few minutes later I was already brought back into my room. I could feel the wound but it was not painful, it was only uncomfortable. It was much, much better than I imagined it to be. I was slipping in and out of consciousness but I remember talking to anyone who would listen to me; the nurses, Papa, my doctor, even Gauri and Kim who came to visit at lunchtime. I was feeling good.
Already that evening I asked them to take the catheter out. I wanted to be able to be back to normal as quickly as possible. Well that was quite an experience, but I'm not going into details. Let's just say that was the most uncomfortable experience throughout my stay so far. But by that evening I was already able to get up and walk around a bit, and even go to the bathroom by myself.
The next day, Day 2, only 24 hours after the surgery, my doctor was happy to see me up and about and cleared me for taking a shower. That felt sooooo good. By then I was already eating normally and walking around. They discontinued my IV and I was even able to manage to chat with my mom and sister on video, although I still looked like a hospital patient. I was having a hard time not laughing because Papa was making so many jokes! I also had another visitor, Kuya Krick - my friend Mai's brother - and his kids came to see me. It was nice to be able to chat with them. The dietician also came in to pay me a visit to talk to me about over-all health and how this can be the start of a healthier lifestyle for me.
So now Day 3 rolled around and aside from a little bit of discomfort from the incision, I'm feeling great and seem to be recovering well. I did have a migraine attack in the morning but it went away around lunchtime. Most, if not all of my bodily functions are back to normal which means everything must be working well inside. I was even able to put on my normal clothes (i.e. get out of my hospital gown) and walked around the hospital. With my laptop here we were able to play good music and it took all my willpower not to dance when Chris Brown's Forever came on. Haha. I can't wait to be able to move a little bit faster again, but all in good time!
Looking back I think it was also helpful to have expected the worst, because it gave me a sense of accomplishment when I was able to quickly get back on normal routines shortly after the surgery. And though I am not as religious as my Paulinian mentors would have wanted me to be, I know that I owe it all to the Father was with me every step of the way and still is holding my hand until all of this is over, and beyond.
I cannot wait to be discharged from the hospital (that's scheduled on Monday) and be back in my apartment where I can watch my Filipino channels, and also have Papa cook some good Filipino food again! All in all this experience has been better than I imagined it to be, and I am both happy and thankful to have been through the worst. I hope it only gets better from here.
The day before the surgery was a busy one. We went to the hospital in the morning to do my blood work and sign consent forms, and also met with the doctor performing the surgery and also my anesthesiologist. They were both very nice ladies and put me at ease about the whole procedure. Even Papa was feeling confident that everything was going to be okay. After that, we walked around the area so I could show Papa that Starbucks was just right down the road to the hospital, as well as some international grocery stores and restaurants where he could go get food to eat. Then we headed to Ikea (to look at furniture), Siyuanqiao (to look at car accessories), Bainaohui (to look at gadgets) and Qianmen (to shop at H&M). Like I said, busy day! I was ready to crash after that. Forget about being well-rested for the surgery!
Papa had cooked his delicious sinigang and even more delicious daing na bangus... pure Pinoy food heaven. I was advised not to eat anything after midnight as the procedure was scheduled for 8:30am the next day, so I managed to finish that dinner by 11:00pm (talagang photo finish! haha). I was not thinking so much about my 'impending doom' until we had finished packing and I got to bed past midnight. I barely slept that night, despite having to be up by 5:30am to be at the hospital before 7:00am.
So I was still quite groggy when we arrived at the hospital. We checked into the room at 7:00am (which really looked like a hotel room, only with medical equipment) and I was quickly prepared for the procedure: changed into a hospital gown, started an IV, shaved the area where the incision was going to be. I was able to squeeze in sending a few messages to my loved ones before they said that it was time for me to be wheeled into the operating room. I remember feeling calm but praying the Angelus over and over again and just asking God to take care of me and telling Him I am confident that he will not let anything bad happen to me.
I met my cheerful anesthesiologist inside the operating room. She asked me where I was from and I told her I am Filipino, after which she asked me if I could sing for her. I told her I'll do that after she sedates me. Hehe.
I was transferred to the operating table, and I felt my arms being strapped onto it. I remember saying hi to my surgeon and asking her if she was having a good day. She said yes and she told me that she was sure I was also going to have a good day. The last thing I remember was asking all the people in the room if they watched Grey's Anatomy (they don't) and telling them how people kept asking me if I got a McDreamy or a McSteamy. My anesthesiologist asked me if I was feeling dizzy, but I wasn't and felt I could still chat up a storm over the next hour or so. But then she must have put in the magic potion, since the next thing I remember was the nurses waking me up and telling me that the procedure was over. I checked the clock: it was only 10:30am! That was quick.
It turns out that only an hour after I was wheeled into the operating room, my doctor had already called Papa to tell him that the surgery was over and that everything went well. In fact, it went better than well. They did not have to take the ovary out, just got rid of the cyst, which means I got to keep all my body parts. The anesthesiologist took a photo of my healthy ovary and the cystic ovary, and it is unbelievable, but since I don't want to scare y'all, I'll keep those photos to myself. :)
A few minutes later I was already brought back into my room. I could feel the wound but it was not painful, it was only uncomfortable. It was much, much better than I imagined it to be. I was slipping in and out of consciousness but I remember talking to anyone who would listen to me; the nurses, Papa, my doctor, even Gauri and Kim who came to visit at lunchtime. I was feeling good.
Already that evening I asked them to take the catheter out. I wanted to be able to be back to normal as quickly as possible. Well that was quite an experience, but I'm not going into details. Let's just say that was the most uncomfortable experience throughout my stay so far. But by that evening I was already able to get up and walk around a bit, and even go to the bathroom by myself.
The next day, Day 2, only 24 hours after the surgery, my doctor was happy to see me up and about and cleared me for taking a shower. That felt sooooo good. By then I was already eating normally and walking around. They discontinued my IV and I was even able to manage to chat with my mom and sister on video, although I still looked like a hospital patient. I was having a hard time not laughing because Papa was making so many jokes! I also had another visitor, Kuya Krick - my friend Mai's brother - and his kids came to see me. It was nice to be able to chat with them. The dietician also came in to pay me a visit to talk to me about over-all health and how this can be the start of a healthier lifestyle for me.
So now Day 3 rolled around and aside from a little bit of discomfort from the incision, I'm feeling great and seem to be recovering well. I did have a migraine attack in the morning but it went away around lunchtime. Most, if not all of my bodily functions are back to normal which means everything must be working well inside. I was even able to put on my normal clothes (i.e. get out of my hospital gown) and walked around the hospital. With my laptop here we were able to play good music and it took all my willpower not to dance when Chris Brown's Forever came on. Haha. I can't wait to be able to move a little bit faster again, but all in good time!
Looking back I think it was also helpful to have expected the worst, because it gave me a sense of accomplishment when I was able to quickly get back on normal routines shortly after the surgery. And though I am not as religious as my Paulinian mentors would have wanted me to be, I know that I owe it all to the Father was with me every step of the way and still is holding my hand until all of this is over, and beyond.
I cannot wait to be discharged from the hospital (that's scheduled on Monday) and be back in my apartment where I can watch my Filipino channels, and also have Papa cook some good Filipino food again! All in all this experience has been better than I imagined it to be, and I am both happy and thankful to have been through the worst. I hope it only gets better from here.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
An Unsolicited Update
So here's the deal. Three weeks ago I had some pain on the lower left side of my torso. Went to the hospital, had it checked, got a (blissful) shot of morphine for the pain, and they ran some tests. Turns out it was caused by relatively small kidney stones, which in fact I unknowingly passed in the next few days. Two weeks later I came in for a follow-up with my urologist, he cleared me for kidney stones, and sent me on my way to get an ultrasound just to be extra sure that there's nothing left.
True enough, no more stones. But alas, something else was there.
After getting the results of the ultrasound, my urologist gave me a call and told me that while the stones were gone, they had found a mass in my lower abdomen. He booked me for an appointment with a general surgeon the next day. The general surgeon was a jolly old Chinese guy who spoke flawless English; I quite liked him. But then he told me that the mass was neither connected to my digestive nor excretory systems and therefore was not his area of expertise. He referred me to the gynecology department and the next available slot was for the next day. And so after another day of not knowing what the hell that mass was all about, I came in last Wednesday for a consult with a gynecologist.
To cut the story short and also so that I won't go into any details that might make you cough up your lunch, the mass is a cyst in my left ovary and it needs to be taken out. Perhaps the only detail I'll share is its size -- because it's so big, it's ridiculous -- it's 10x12x7cm, which is roughly the size of your two fists put together (!!!). The doctor compared it to a baby's head. And here I was thinking I wasn't ready to have a child yet!
Anyway I have come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to go into surgery. In fact I've booked my time -- it's Thursday next week Aug 13th -- and my parents are coming over to Beijing to help me through this (they really are the best!). It's about a 2-3 day stay at the hospital and a 2-week recovery period. I'm pretty sure one of the questions you have is whether or not I can still have a child -- breathe a sigh of relief, friend, because I still can. And the other -- any chance that it's cancerous? While any abnormal growth within your body will always have a certain risk of being malignant, most dermoid cysts are benign and only 1-2% of them are cancerous. And while I've somehow gone against the grain other times in my life, I am hoping that in this instance I will be part of the majority. :)
I'm not really worried about the surgery; I'm pretty much gonna be out when they slice me up anyway. What unnerves me a little is thinking about recovery. Maaaaan I cannot imagine not being able to laugh! (It'll put a strain on the abdominal muscles which the wound pretty much goes through.) I can also not imagine not being able to lift things. I have never stayed in a hospital for more than 5 hours, tops. In that sense, I've always considered myself relatively healthy. Not to be defensive, but for the record the cyst was not caused by anything I did or did not do -- dermoid cysts are congenital defects, and those that are in the ovaries commonly manifest themselves during a woman's reproductive years. So ladies, not to scare you or anything, I'm just saying, go do your annual health checks and take them seriously. I had my last one 2 years ago, missed the one last year, and boom! See where it got me.
I'm trying to be really brave, but over the last few days there were times when I would wonder -- will I ever be the same again after my surgery on Thursday? I know I might be overreacting a bit; come on, I'm not the first person EVER to go through a surgery like this! And I am of course better off having it taken out, it's really not an option to leave it in there. It's just that I love roller coasters and I would really really REALLY hate it if I have to give that up on account of the surgery. Haha! I know you might be laughing, but I just can't imagine living the rest of my life not being able to ride roller coasters! But also, what if that cyst were the source of my talents, my skills? You know, like Samson and his hair! Now that would just be so freakin' sad. But okay, I'll stop thinking about that!
The other thing is, you know, September 29th. :) I have been counting down to that date since forever! Well okay, since March 2009, but still. I would hate to cancel my vacation, specially not now when I've finally succeeded in convincing Jaim to go with me to visit Lucy and Joel and also see New York! I really hope 6 weeks is enough time for me heal and to be able to take a long haul flight, lug around a 20kg suitcase (or two, hehe, of course I'm going shopping there!), and endure walking around for hours. I'm crossing my fingers... and my legs and my toes and my eyes too, if those will help!
Well this has been a pretty long note, so here's my last point: some people may have qualms about sharing their health problems with others, and if this has put you in an uncomfortable position or has scarred you for life, then I apologize. But I'd like you to know that I did this for two reasons: first, so that all of you, specially the women, can put a premium on your health, and as I mentioned, to not overlook your annual health checks. In fact, if I had gone to last year's check-up, then the cyst would not have been as big, and I would not require such a long recovery period. So think about it, okay? Second, one can never underestimate the power of prayer, so I humbly ask you guys to please keep me in yours for the next few weeks -- and thank you in advance.
I know I'm gonna be okay... well, I'm really hopeful, at least. Since I'm only human, I also get those dammit-I-wish-this-would-never-have-happened moments, and I guess I will continue to do so until I have fully recovered and am fully able to jump around... not like I jump around a lot now, but still, I'd like to have the option! :) Anyway, I will most likely post other updates throughout this whole experience -- not gross ones, don't worry; I'm just thinking it might help alleviate some of the boredom while recovering, don't you think? Now if only I can request for wifi in my hospital room...
True enough, no more stones. But alas, something else was there.
After getting the results of the ultrasound, my urologist gave me a call and told me that while the stones were gone, they had found a mass in my lower abdomen. He booked me for an appointment with a general surgeon the next day. The general surgeon was a jolly old Chinese guy who spoke flawless English; I quite liked him. But then he told me that the mass was neither connected to my digestive nor excretory systems and therefore was not his area of expertise. He referred me to the gynecology department and the next available slot was for the next day. And so after another day of not knowing what the hell that mass was all about, I came in last Wednesday for a consult with a gynecologist.
To cut the story short and also so that I won't go into any details that might make you cough up your lunch, the mass is a cyst in my left ovary and it needs to be taken out. Perhaps the only detail I'll share is its size -- because it's so big, it's ridiculous -- it's 10x12x7cm, which is roughly the size of your two fists put together (!!!). The doctor compared it to a baby's head. And here I was thinking I wasn't ready to have a child yet!
Anyway I have come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to go into surgery. In fact I've booked my time -- it's Thursday next week Aug 13th -- and my parents are coming over to Beijing to help me through this (they really are the best!). It's about a 2-3 day stay at the hospital and a 2-week recovery period. I'm pretty sure one of the questions you have is whether or not I can still have a child -- breathe a sigh of relief, friend, because I still can. And the other -- any chance that it's cancerous? While any abnormal growth within your body will always have a certain risk of being malignant, most dermoid cysts are benign and only 1-2% of them are cancerous. And while I've somehow gone against the grain other times in my life, I am hoping that in this instance I will be part of the majority. :)
I'm not really worried about the surgery; I'm pretty much gonna be out when they slice me up anyway. What unnerves me a little is thinking about recovery. Maaaaan I cannot imagine not being able to laugh! (It'll put a strain on the abdominal muscles which the wound pretty much goes through.) I can also not imagine not being able to lift things. I have never stayed in a hospital for more than 5 hours, tops. In that sense, I've always considered myself relatively healthy. Not to be defensive, but for the record the cyst was not caused by anything I did or did not do -- dermoid cysts are congenital defects, and those that are in the ovaries commonly manifest themselves during a woman's reproductive years. So ladies, not to scare you or anything, I'm just saying, go do your annual health checks and take them seriously. I had my last one 2 years ago, missed the one last year, and boom! See where it got me.
I'm trying to be really brave, but over the last few days there were times when I would wonder -- will I ever be the same again after my surgery on Thursday? I know I might be overreacting a bit; come on, I'm not the first person EVER to go through a surgery like this! And I am of course better off having it taken out, it's really not an option to leave it in there. It's just that I love roller coasters and I would really really REALLY hate it if I have to give that up on account of the surgery. Haha! I know you might be laughing, but I just can't imagine living the rest of my life not being able to ride roller coasters! But also, what if that cyst were the source of my talents, my skills? You know, like Samson and his hair! Now that would just be so freakin' sad. But okay, I'll stop thinking about that!
The other thing is, you know, September 29th. :) I have been counting down to that date since forever! Well okay, since March 2009, but still. I would hate to cancel my vacation, specially not now when I've finally succeeded in convincing Jaim to go with me to visit Lucy and Joel and also see New York! I really hope 6 weeks is enough time for me heal and to be able to take a long haul flight, lug around a 20kg suitcase (or two, hehe, of course I'm going shopping there!), and endure walking around for hours. I'm crossing my fingers... and my legs and my toes and my eyes too, if those will help!
Well this has been a pretty long note, so here's my last point: some people may have qualms about sharing their health problems with others, and if this has put you in an uncomfortable position or has scarred you for life, then I apologize. But I'd like you to know that I did this for two reasons: first, so that all of you, specially the women, can put a premium on your health, and as I mentioned, to not overlook your annual health checks. In fact, if I had gone to last year's check-up, then the cyst would not have been as big, and I would not require such a long recovery period. So think about it, okay? Second, one can never underestimate the power of prayer, so I humbly ask you guys to please keep me in yours for the next few weeks -- and thank you in advance.
I know I'm gonna be okay... well, I'm really hopeful, at least. Since I'm only human, I also get those dammit-I-wish-this-would-n
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