Holiday Greetings

Merry Christmas to everyone from me and my family. :) Cheers to the year that was, and wish you all the best in 2005!

Damn Frustrations

There are just some thoughts that are not meant to be in black and white.



As deadlines for home assignments once again loom overhead, I find myself getting dissatisfied yet again with my current employment. I hate hate hate it that money or opportunities or travel cannot motivate me enough to learn, let alone be contented with being a MISE trainee.



There is this Investment assignment due on Wednesday, the 15th. Deadlines for Maritime Law and Economics will soon follow. Heck. I studied communications in college. The highest math I took up was Math 11. I never really cared about ships or terminals or containers or other related sh*t before I got myself into the company.



I am in the dumps again. And fact is, I really want to go to the next module. I want to travel to Denmark again. I want to meet all these people from all over the world and share stories with them. I love my salary and my benefits.



If there were just some way to get it all. Benefits and doing what I love, what i'm meant to do.



They say, you really can't have it all. Yeah, and I'm living proof.



But... at the end of the day, it's a matter of choice. If you can't have it all, I've got to choose. And that's the difficult question.



Damn these thoughts. Wasting my time writing about my frustrations. I should be working on that Investment assignment now. !@#$%^&*().

Addicted

My last song syndrome isn't composed of just a song... More like a playlist, it is. Haha. I miss party nights in CPH.

Some songs that are on "REPEAT" in my mind:

1> Over and Over - Nelly feat. Tim Mc Graw

2> Culo - Pitbull

3> Hush - LL Cool J

4> Drop It Like It's Hot - Snoop Dogg

5> My Goodies - Ciara

6> Move Your Body - Nina Sky

7> Baby It's You - Jojo feat. Bowwow

Seems I am so so so addicted to songs sung by African-Americans (attempting to be politically correct) right now. Addicted meaning I enjoy it so much. Perhaps, also because of my brother's influence? Who, incidentally, will be having his 24th bday party today.



Did you just follow that train of thought? Haha. Not feeling normal today.

Calling on my "Lolas"

Dear Ai, Ley, Lucy and Tina:

I so so so miss you. Please, let me know when we can get together.

Love,

Teng

Taken around 8 months ago during our university graduation at the PICC.


L-R: Ai, Ley, Lucy, Teng, Tina.


Hey, come to think of it, we ARE in alphabetical order! Galing! :)

Creativity, Anyone?

I type chwistine.blogspot.com on the address field above and this page comes up.



I get depressed when I see this page.



I've come so low as to use a template for my blog.



Gone were the days when I'd spend my late nights in front of the computer, editing and re-editing the graphics and photos that were to go into my latest layout.



Gone were the days when I would painfully hand-encode each page, html flag by html flag, ensuring that the finished product would come out exactly the way I pictured it inside my head.



Gone were the days when I would even offer to make webpages for my friends, or to teach them how to build an html file from scratch.



Gone were those days.



Thay have been replaced by 12-hour work days, with weekends that always seemed too short to even catch my breath.



They have been replaced by a total of 3-4 hours spent on the road, weaving in and out of traffic. It takes me that long to get to and from work -- on a lucky day.



They have been replaced by new concerns... My last few moments of wakefulness, I spend thinking about the future, my future: careers, salaries, industries, expatriations, opportunities... decisions to be made, consequences to be faced...



*Sigh*



Bottom line?



I need a new layout.



Something I made, something I conceptualized.



My creative juices are overflowing, with neither a venue for release nor the time to release it.



Damn.



I need need need a new layout.

That Change Thing Again

Have you ever had that moment when you just want to go up to a person and ask, "What the hell happened to you?" You don't really mean to be rude, you don't mean to lose your manners. You just need answers. You just need an explanation. You just want to know... Exactly what, why and how things turned out the way they did.



I guess this is again one of times that I need to address my issues. My issues with change. My issues with seeing two important people in my life turn into... Someone who I feel like I don't know anymore.



I realize that it's not so much about dealing with the process of change itself than it is about not liking the "finished product." People do change, that much I accept, but do they have to turn into these people that I sooo not want them to be...?



See? That's where the problem lies.



But as a friend, I must learn accept them...



Based on my brainstorming, I came up with some of the reasons why it's so difficult to deal with these changes:

1) the miles between me and the person

2) the lack of constant communication

3) the complete unpredictability of the new person they have turned into



No. 1 & 2 are major reasons why I feel so unprepared for the change. For one reason or another -- maybe physical distance or the fact that you've simply grown apart -- you don't get to see them everyday, then the next time you see them, they have turned into this changed person. It's like going to bed in your room one night, and then waking up to see unfamiliar walls, a different bedspread, in a place totally strange to you. You would just feel so... Displaced. Like you weren't forewarned.



As for item No. 3, this is just because of my being selfish and judgmental... And feeling like the change may not have been for the best. In college I learned that you shouldn't expect others to have the same values and morals as you do. But this is different... They used to be among my very good friends... Heck, I used to love them, and them me. So shouldn't their values and morals be at least similar to mine?



But now... It's just so far from the person I used to know... And nothing could have told me that they'd turn out this way.



I never really expected people to stay the way they were. I never expected to rediscover old friends and realize they haven't changed since grade school or high school. But I also never expected drastic changes that will make these two people seem like strangers to me.



I often think, "So what now if I get to talk to them? What good would that be? That wouldn't change anything." But more than anything else, I still badly want an answer to that question above. An answer to, "What the hell happened to you?" And this is only for one reason: closure. I want to know there was nothing I could have done. I want to know that this change was a whole-hearted decision, one that was done without hesitation. I want to know that this change was... Meant to be. And if it was, I'd shut up. By then I would have made peace with myself.



But if there's a tiny spark of doubt about the change... One tiny little question in their minds... I want to salvage that. Make them consider that changing may not have been their best decision, nor is it their only option. If all they need is a sympathetic soul or a someone who'll listen, I'll be there for them. To help them any which way I can. And maybe they'll come to realize that there's no need to change to find love, or a friend. Because I was there all along to love them just the way they are.



x x x x x

Wish you could read this... Both of you. *sigh*

x x x x x

Come on over to My Place

I remember having a fit when my sister told me that she and her friend had played Scrabble in my room. I am typically possessive and I know it, but when we talk about my room, this possessiveness increases hundred-fold. Maybe it's because my room is the only place I "own" (technically that's not true, it's my parents' but you know what I mean) -- hence I would greatly appreciate if people stayed out of it, unless once of these two conditions are true: one, you are there to clean it or two, I invited you in.



This is in the spirit of "honoring (?)" that place I love so much.

1. What's the color of your bedroom walls?

>A sunny pastel yellow. Love it.



2. What's in the drawer of your dresser?

>I don't have a dresser.



3. Do you have hardwood floor?

>Nope. Ceramic tiles.



4. What kind of pictures are on the walls?

>Lots. High school, College, Module 1 in Denmark, Officemates and a collage picture of Me, Stella and Mark (my MISE Batchmates from the Philippines).



5. Is your computer in the bedroom?

>Most unfortunately, no.



6. Did you make your bed today?

>No...



7. Are your clothes all over the place?

>Nope. I'm somewhat vain with my room. I often prefer spic-and-span.



8. What color are your sheets?

>Blue and white. Stars and moons. Love it.



9. When you walk in the bedroom what's the

first thing you smell?

>The air freshener. Smells heavenly. :)



10. Do you have a tv in your room?

>Yes.



11. Are there any full-length mirrors in plain

view?

>Yes, just one.



12. What's on the table next to the bed?

>My remotes (yes, in plural, haha), the book I'm currently reading and a night lamp.



13. What's in the drawer of the table next to the

bed?

>Hehe. Chocolate. :) and more pictures.



14. What covers the windows? Curtains or mini

blinds?

>Currently, none. Does a blanket count? Hehe.



15. What's piled up under your bed?

>I just emptied it, so none.



16. Is your bed brass or wood framed?

>Not brass, but some kind of metal.



17. Are the lights bright or dim in the room?

>Dim. All are in a warm hue.



18. Do you use a little plug-in night light?

>No. A night lamp, yes.



19. How many wardrobes do u have?

>Just one.



20. Do you drink or smoke in your bedroom?

>No.



21. The most Eye Catching item in the room?

>When you come over, you'll find out. :)