Of Forgetting People, Of Forgetting Me

How long does it take for people to forget? How long does it take for people to stop yearning, stop missing and once again start moving on with their own lives -- and this time, with one person less?

No, this is not about forgetting past loves and heartaches and trying in vain to get over someone. This kind of forgetting I'm pondering about is the type which probably occurs even more commonly than the romance-related ones.

It has been over four months since I left Manila to work here in Beijing. And it is not a secret that I do feel strongly about being away from home. But today, a realization hit me and I was surprised that I never viewed things from perspective of forgetting before.

How long will it take for people to forget me?

I know I will not be gone forever, it's only three years! But how long will/did it take for people to almost not feel that I am gone? How long before they stop/stopped wishing I was with them? How long before they stop/stopped counting the hours, days, weeks since they last heard from me? How long before they get/got so used to not seeing me or not being with me, that they stop/stopped remembering that I am part/once part of their lives?

I realize it is selfish for me to ask people to remember me every second of the day. This is not only impossible, but also useless. I guess, all I am saying is that, perhaps for all of us who are away from home, there will always be a fear of being forgotten.

The fear of people forgetting your smile, your laugh, your words.
The fear of people forgetting how it was to be around you, be beside you, be with you.
The fear of people forgetting that you love them -- or worse -- that they love you.

And once you come back, how long will it take them to remember all these again...

...if they ever will?

***For Mariel -- who knows how it feels to be away from home and who probably has the same fears as I do. Chin up, Mariel, kaya natin 'to! I hope. :)

A Much-Needed Resuscitation

There was a time when I could not access blogger from China, which is why I then switched to blogging in Multiply. Now, Multiply is not accessible from China, so I'm switching back to Blogger. With a new (albeit very simple) layout to boot.

This layout is also supposed to crossover to my new domain as well - www.novemberthree.com - but so far I have been unsuccessful at making it work. Add to that the fact the the my internet connection here in the university has not been fully restored since the Taiwan earthquake. So I am trying to be v-e-r-y-p-a-t-i-e-n-t with trying to solve all my blog issues including, but not limited to:

1. Accessing Multiply and moving all blog posts from the last few months to Blogger
2. Making sense out of how files are being organized in the domain
3. Knowing where blogger is saving everything in the domain
4. Just making the blog look organized, because I have already given up on trying to make it look "nice"

I just realized that it is so difficult to choose one venue to publish your thoughts. Blogging services are popping up left, right and center. Now, even networking sites like Friendster and Multiply - which should have been dedicated to networking - also offer blogging capabilites. And yet there is no way to cross-post an entry to all of these facilities. I know Multiply has an option for cross-posting but it almost never works.

Anyway enough blogging woes and onto the updates. One more week to go and we are done with the Mandarin training. I have been sooo looking forward to starting work again. Sounds weird but I really am tired of studying. Right after I graduated from college, I entered the MISE Program, 50% of which is theoretical training i.e. studying and homeworks and projects and exams. Three months after graduating from MISE, I again join a language course that entailed memorizing and previewing and reviewing and all that crap EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE PAST FOUR MONTHS. What am I doing to myself???

And so now I am swearing off studying for the good two years that I am here in Beijing. Pahinga naman muna diba?

Blogging From Home and New Year Thoughts

It's so nice to be home.

Damn, no one can imagine how much I mean that. I don't have the words to describe it. :)

Yesterday,
after 3 months in Beijing, I boarded PR 389 at 1pm to fly home. Home
home home! Home meaning Philippines, Manila, Las Pinas, BF Resort, C.
Soriano St., our house, my room! Home meaning inihaw na liempo,
lemon-butter shrimp, halaan soup, toyo-calamansi, malata na kanin (my
favorite!) and bottomless iced tea. Home meaning the loving embrace of
Mama and Papa and Kuya and Tata. Home meaning... my eternally happy
place.

Three months into expatriation, I feel like a different
person. I have made mistakes. I gained new insights and went through
new experiences. I held on to love. I saw new places and things. I have
learned. I have been enriched.

Can you just imagine what the
next year holds for me??? :) It can only be better! -- not necessarily
easier, but definitely better! :)

I feel so blessed for having
so much in my life. I am 100% sure that God loves me. And this is what
gets me through even the toughest of times, and this is also the reason
why I am confident that life is a journey to enjoy -- whether you're up
or down, it doesn't really matter!

So here's a toast to the roller coaster that was 2006 and to looking forward to the next 365 days! :)

Dreaming in Mandarin

If last week, I had a post everyday, then I back to ignoring my blog this week. It has been so hectic, these Mandarin classes, I don't think I've even had the time to catch my breath.

We've been breezing through the lessons at a frantic pace. Ok, given that this is an intensive course, I should have expected it. But still. Give me the liberty to whine. Hehe.

We finished 6 lessons, one lesson a day and usually with homework to boot and a quiz the next day. We've been having 6 hours of classes everyday from Sunday to Friday. Really. No other word for it. Nakakaloka.

By the way, I've been dreaming in Mandarin. Andrea, wo de tongxue (my classmate), said that this is one sign that we are becoming bilingual. Or in most of our cases, tri-lingual. Yes!

Sleepless

Encoding a hand-written blog entry.

It's 6:55 in the morning and I haven't slept a wink. I finally decided to just go out of my room and see what's outside.

It is noticeably cold. Cold for someone who came from a country where you couldn't step out of your door without breaking a sweat.

Oh yes it's cold. And the wind is blowing.

I realize that even China, with its billion people, falls quiet during the morning. It's weirdly unsettling, this silence.

I had thought about running again this morning, but I had run only a few hours ago. Eleven hours to be exact. Running again would be suicide for my sleepless body and restless mind.

I plug my iPod into my ears and hit shuffle. The first song: With A Smile. Maybe the world is telling me something.

I see some people doing Tai-chi.

My stomach grumbles. But I'm not in the mood for a breakfast of dumplings and mini-siopao (official name: baozi). No, thanks.

I've spent a lot of time in my room the past few days. Three out of five times, I had told the cleaning ladies to come back the next day (official statement: ming tian). They wanted to clean but I was in the room. They wanted to clean but I was in the way. Too bad.

Oddly, I don't feel sad. It's ok that I'm here. Not discounting the fact, of course, that it would be better if I were home. But yeah, I'm ok with not being home. Scratch that. It's more of... being resigned to reconciled with the situation.

That being said, isn't it just... sad? Sad and ironic? I believe that there really is no place like home. So how can anyone expect another to feel when they're not... you know... home?

I have no answers to that.

Classes will resume tomorrow. Yep, sunday. What a glorious day.

I should go to sleep.

It's 9:15am and I'm still up.

I don't think I've ever stayed up for more than 24 hours since my college days when all-nighters were normal.

I really should go to sleep.

And I will, after the cleaning ladies arrive. They're down the hall already. Hehehe...