have you ever felt like you knew someone, almost inside out, and then something happens that shatters that notion? i mean really shattering it to a bazillion pieces. that's how i feel right now.



maybe it's true what they say that college is the real world (although John Mayer begs to disagree). or maybe, because we get older in college, things tend to get more real. more hurtful. more blinding. more crucuial. indeed, more real.



last night i dreamt about high school. saw my old friends. wrote on the blackboard. laughed with my classmates. thought about how to make my crush notice me. i woke up feeling sad, missing my good ol' friends, and wishing me back to the days when life was so darn simple. i wanted to be young again -- not for selfish reasons but also because i want everyone around me to be young again. i want to just laugh like there's no tomorrow. i want to talk about growing old and going off to college. i want to talk about staying friends and vow to be forever true to all our promises. i want today to be just a distant memory, yet to be lived, yet to be experienced.



this day is one of the saddest, hardest days of my life. at this age, things were brought to my attention -- things that i always anticipated and planned for, but you know, when it's staring you right in the face, you'll still be taken aback. and dumbfounded. and you will still question anything and everything, even if you told yourself many times before that it can be a reality. and this is exactly what i'm doing right now. trying to find answers to all my questions. and the most painful part is knowing that you're too late and too powerless to change anything.



i wish for the days that life was simple. i wish for the days we never thought much about surviving the blows of life. i wish for the days when my friends were kids, untainted, pure. i wish to bring back all the times we wasted complaining about wanting to grow up... and just enjoying our happy, carefree days.



i wish today was just a distant memory, yet to be lived, yet to be experienced.





+ I pray to God, your soul to keep. +