Okay, so here's my two cents' worth regarding the cheering competition back in St. Paul -- (Warning: If you're presently a Paulinian of P'que, is loyal to death to your team, is beyond reason and has not been taught to respect opinion, then please do not proceed.)



      A little past 1:30pm, AJ and I went up to the gym -- and hello, what a sight, it was jampacked. I left AJ by the entrance and squeezed past the throng of people to take my seat in the bleachers with some friends from the lower batches. We had a pretty good view of all the pep squads although of course, the cheerdancers had their backs to us.



      It was not long before the competition started. I watched. Cursed a little. Watched some more. Turned to my friends to crack a joke about some pep squad's step. Watched again. Suppressed a yawn. Forced myself to watch again. Answered a call, then texted someone. Watched some and said, "In fairness..." In the end, I seriously felt that the highlight of the cheering competition was when I screamed, "Mahiya naman kayo sa mga alumni!" That, and the moment I realized that I wanted to write about this experience on my blog.



      I have to say this for it's the truth: I was sooo disappointed that day. I had to agree with my friend when she said she should have stayed home and slept -- perhaps that would have been more enjoyable. But that's not the worst part... I think what disapppointed me most was the fact that I knew all the performers could have done better -- way, way better than the mediocrity that they called Cheering Competition 2003.



      "So what the hell is the matter?" you ask. Let me justify myself.



      I graduated from St. Paul Paranaque in the year 2000. Back in those days, many competitions helped burn the spirit of batch loyalty -- we had the Songfest (a singing contest, of course), Sabayang Pagbigkas (choral recitation in Filipino), JazzTri (a dance contest), and of course, the usual batch rivalry that resulted from Clean-Up or Newspaper Drives. The love for one's batch is essential to the life of the P'que Paulinian; everyone feels the need to stand up for their own batch at some point of their high school lives. This "spirit" is never more present than during Intramurals, specifically during Cheering Competition, where a worthy performance will forever etch your batch's name in the walls of the institution. It was a hallowed tradition that showcased the best of Paulinian creativity, talent, unity and grace under pressure -- that even the alumni would not dare miss this event.



      Until now, I could not understand why a couple of years after our graduation, this tradition was challenged. In 2002, the Intrams Committee changed the rules: they randomly assigned the students into four team colors -- hence "dissolving" the batches even during the Cheering Competition. This meant that the teams would be made up of freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors all mixed up, with no rationale behind the assignment of teams.



      Now what does this have to do with the disappointment I felt? Believe me, it is the root cause of the problem.



      You see, by nature, people tend to form groups (ahem, ahem, OrCom student speaking :p). In this case, a batch is considered a group because there is a common factor among all members of a specific batch: they are of the same level in the academic hierarchy. Besides, over the years, one would meet more batchmates than students from the other batch; it's just a fact of life. Time would also strengthen the bond between the members of the batch, and from experience, this bond is most evident when the batch as a whole is being put to the test, like say, during Cheering Competition. I admit that batch rivalry (which is, in fact, a side effect of batch loyalty) has led to some pretty nasty stuff in the past -- word wars, door-slamming, students becoming 'territorial' -- but I've always believed that these things contribute to healthy competition that only serves to push students to be all that they can be.



      When the administration messed up with this age-old value of batch loyalty, everything went downhill from there. If the students are grouped randomly into team colors, they do not have anything fundamentally common among them, thus, their relationship as members of a team does not encourage loyalty or passion or motivation. Therefore, there is no drive to succeed. After all, why bother? They don't know these people are anyway, and the one month that is given for practices is not enough to foster a bond that will rival batch loyalty.



      Another thing, it is inevitable that the fourth year students will lead the teams. Seniority plays a big role in leadership -- all the more in a group of high school students. Therefore, the creativity that is utilized in coming up with a concept all the way to the carrying out of the actual performance is monopolized by the seniors. The lower batches are not trained at all, not given much chance to shine -- and then, of course, the vicious cycle continues.



      *Sigh* I see no other explanation for the deterioration of the quality of the performances during Cheering Competition in St. Paul. Some may think this is only because of my own loyalty to my batch, but no. I am speaking not as a member of Batch 2000 but as a Paulinian; just a Paulinian. I wish there were some way I could make the sisters and my former mentors realize that the Paulinians can do so much more, really, if given the chance. I wish they would look review performances of the past batches, compare it to this year's performance, and consider the possibility that they may have made a mistake along the way.



      When I ask myself why I care so much about these things, I remember how my sister always says she wants to follow my footsteps. She knows she wants to study in St. Paul. Perhaps that's the reason why I bother myself with these little things... I want my sister to receive the best education possible -- complete with an environment that teaches her how to be passionate about things and how to love "her own."



      But right now, I can only hope and pray that no one would ever have to use the phrase, "They don't make Paulinians like they used to..."

It Felt Like Coming Home

      I went back to my high school yesterday -- St. Paul Paranaque -- and it felt like coming home. Weird, but it did.



      I know some people who, after high school graduation, vowed never to set foot in their alma mater again. To a certain extent, I understand... specially those also coming from my school, because I know too well the things we were put through -- long litanies from the sisters, so little recreational time and a truckload of academics. But as I always say, that's what high school is for! And I have long forgiven them because if anything, they are among the people who molded me into who I am now.



      But yesterday, just standing on the ground where I spent four years of my adolescent life, it just felt... right. It felt like a haven, a secure place where I was free from all my college troubles. Thoughts of my thesis (gulp) and practicum folder (gulp again) were so far away; I was just having fun with my friends. It was like a sea of memories washing over me... the faces have changed but the feeling is still the same; even intrams felt the same. *sigh* I still wish for the carefree life of high school... the carefree days of my youth, for that matter.



      And so we arrive at the "turning twenty" blues once more. Heheheh. But really, I just wanted to state that for the record. Even if St. Paul (or rather, the new security guards at the second gate) has a knack for pissing alumni off (ayaw ba naman magpapasok minsan!!!), I still feel compelled to go back to my high school alma mater once in a while... if only for the wonderful feeling of "coming home..." :)



      A critique of the cheering competition to follow... for now I'm off to school! Enrolment is at 1:30 pm and I'm still at home! Bad Teng... heheheh.

Addicted to CSI

      I'm on a CSI Marathon! Bought the entire first season in DVD's (pirated, of course) yesterday. Can't get enough of Grissom and company. It kind of makes you wish the Philippines had that kind of crime scene invetigation technology. *tsk, tsk, wishful thinking*

      One week to go before my birthday!!! :D In other words, only one more week left of my teenage life. Haha. Many people say, "Teng, matanda ka na... Bente ka na!" and all I want to reply is, "I know! Believe me, I know!" -- but really, not in a sarcastic way.



      Actually, even I am surprised at how I am reacting to my turning twenty. Of course it sounds like a big deal -- I have already lived, in fact, for ONE WHOLE SCORE! But I guess the only difference is, I don't feel my age, as opposed to "not acting" my age.



      Of course, being at this age, people expect me to be mature, forward-thinking and smart. I think I can be all that. But I don't think it has anything to do with me still wanting to watch cartoons, or wear shorts to the grocery, or play around with my little sister. Thos are the things that keep me sane! If I start to go around thinking of nothing but future bank accounts, buying life plans, or paying off debts I haven;t even made, then I would not have lived at all. For heaven's sake, I'm only TWENTY!



      So to all my friends (i.e. batchmetes) who get to read this, it's not so bad, you know, the turning twenty thing. We can take it all in stride. And perhaps ten or another twenty years after today, I would still want to watch cartoons and wear shorts to the grocery and play around with my little sister... I know it will help me keep my youth, no matter what the numbers I put down on the "age blank" say. :D

      Okay, so you see the time stamp below this entry? I wrote that in January of this year, almost ten whole months ago! I'm so happy to finally get this to work (again). I really felt the need to revive my blog; I needed to vent out my thoughts or else I feel like my brain will explode (who knows? It just might happen.)



      So first things first. How are you? What have you been up to? And how the hell did you land on my blog? Hmmm... whatever your answers are to my questions, let me welcome you... WELCOME! Heheh.



      It's been roughly a couple of weeks since my sembreak started... This will be my last semestral break. *Whew* Now there it is -- I just felt some kind of feeling I can't quite identify.



      My friend aA asked me how I felt about graduating. I wanted to answer her question accuratly because it has also been bugging me for quite a time now -- and all I could cough up was a weak "I really don't know." But I told her I was feeling like high school all over again, which I was...



      It's all so, erm, beyond words. I really feel happy and MIGHTY PROUD that I'm finally graduating... but I'm afraid Im having some kind of separation anxiety. Y'know, after 16 years, you're finally out of school... and it's oddly unsettling!



      I remember what Ley's parents said the other day -- that if there's anyone happier than us when we graduate, it will be them -- the parents. Hmmm...



      Graduation, I guess, is the world's way of telling me that I am being given a chance to prove to my parents (and the Filipino nation, as a UP student) that my education was well worth their investment. And how I should feel about this? I still have 5 months to go. Let's wait and see.